Eating wings doesn’t exactly pay the bills. When I am not in a pub chipping away at my meaty New Year’s Resolution, you can find me in a cubicle making the internet. I am a digital content producer for VH1.com. My team supports the shows you see on TV. We build and maintain the official sites and Facebook fan pages for each show and produce the online bonus scenes and full episodes. So, when Bret Michaels appears on your television and says, “For all the hot and uncensored stuff you didn’t see on TV, go to rockoflove.vh1.com“, that’s us!
Three weeks ago, the Facebook page I was maintaining, “Basketball Wives“, and the Facebook page my fellow co-worker Audrey Leczinsky was maintaining, “Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew“, were both on the verge of cracking 100,000 fans. This was a big deal for us as we’ve only ever had one fan page reach that mark… Flavor of Love (Yeah Boyee!).
Our Senior Manager of Digital Marketing, Joe, decided to up the ante and throw in an extra bonus to rev up the competition. He agreed to buy lunch for the producer who owned the first page to eclipse 100k fans. Challenge accepted – it was on!
It was a very close race to the finish line, but I was able to hang on and top 100k first. In the end, we were both winners so Joe said he was buying us both lunch!
Where would this celebration take place? Dalton’s Bar & Grill. It’s hard to miss a game or go hungry at this Midtown NYC sports bar, boasting fifteen 50” HD flat screens and an extensive food menu on their website. I had been there before but had yet to try their wings.
On the frigid wintry walk to Dalton’s, there were no questions as to what I was going to order. The question was what sauce and how many? Dalton’s made my choice simple. They offer only one sauce, buffalo. 12 wings is $11.50 and 20 is $16.75. Audrey felt like winging out, too, so we split a 20 piece.
We placed our orders, shared some laughs, and before we knew it lunch was served…
Was Jose Canseco working in the kitchen? These wings looked like they were on steroids! Their size and sculpt were wing-tastic, but they appeared to be lacking in the sauce department. Were they as good as they looked? There was only one way to find out – mangia!
In the midst of my first bite, the taste of the skin caught my attention: it had a doughy, bready taste. Once I was able to pry through the skin, I really had to get my teeth in there and pull at the meat to separate it from the bone. The meat was well-cooked, maybe too well, as it didn’t have much juice or flavor. And like they looked, these wings were meaty bastards. Three of them was like eating six at your average pub. I’m not going to lie, I was full after five, but I couldn’t disappoint my co-workers. They were eating lunch with The Ultimate Wingman! I couldn’t throw in the towel after five wings, right? Nope. I pulled it together and kept going until I finally managed to put away twelve wings. Audrey polished off the final eight.
I could barely get out of my seat and felt the buttons on my jeans popping. It was a challenging walk back to the office. An hour later, Audrey dropped by my desk and said, “I can’t get this smell of wings off my fingers. Is this what your life is like?” I laughed, reached into my drawer, and handed her a trial sample of my special wing soap. Just kidding.
The following Monday, she approached me again and said, “Ultimate Wingman, I don’t know how you do it. I felt woozy at my desk after eating those eight wings and I swear I was full all weekend. What’s your secret?”
Audrey, I don’t know.
2011 Wing Count: 191
Rating: 2.5 Tums