After a warm, meaty welcome back from my wing-cation on Sunday night at Green Rock’s 9th Anniversary Party, I woke up Monday in the mood for some serious wing-age. I was craving so badly I was seeing chicken wings all day at work. At one point during the day, I caught myself biting at my computer monitor like it was a big juicy chicken wing. Luckily, none of my co-workers saw me. Whew.
Finally, it was 6pm – time to close up shop. I powered down my computer and headed to the East Village with my friend to take advantage of Croxley’s Ales 10 cent wing special (Hey Croxley’s, if you’re reading this please return my phone call – I won’t bite, I swear). Unfortunately, there was a 30 minute wait for a table and I was on a tight schedule, so as Jay-Z would say, “On To The Next One.”
When trying to take advantage of a wing special as enticing as Croxley’s 10 cent Mondays, more than likely the place is going to be packed, so you better have a backup plan in place if you don’t feel like waiting for a table.
In this instance, my backup plan was Nice Guy Eddie’s, a sports bar with a gritty, rocker edge, conveniently by the train. I tried their wings back in October during halftime of the Cleveland Browns-Pittsburgh Steelers game. They were alright, so I figured the same, if not better this time around.
The place was empty but full of rock and roll blasting on the jukebox. We took a seat, got comfy, and scoped out the menu. An order of 20 wings was $17.95 – ouch, considering we could have gotten 20 wings for $2.00 at Croxley’s if we waited 30 minutes.
Shaking our heads at the money we could have saved, we dialed up 20 medium wings. After placing our order, my friend went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He came back shaking his head and informed me that there was neither soap or hand towels in the bathroom. He was pissed. I told him to chill out and ask for some extra wet naps.
10 minutes later, our wings arrived….
With no wet naps!
It got worse. The wings appeared to be over-cooked and the blue cheese looked like 1% milk. Was it? There was only one way to find out.
Well folks, I don’t need Lasik yet. The wings were indeed overcooked and the blue cheese tasted like water. I actually didn’t mind the wings’ burnt crunchiness, but the skin was plastered to the meat like white on rice. Absolutely no tenderness. The insides looked like a Thanksgiving turkey fail. These meaty-less bastards were also lacking in the size department. They looked like deflated water wings. As for the sauce, it had some bite to it, but nothing to write home about. Six wings in, my stomach started talking to me – not a good sign.
After managing to finish off my portion of the order, it was time to settle up. I pulled out my plastic and handed it to our server, who informed me that their credit card machine had just broken, but there was an ATM inside. $4.50 in service fees later, I had enough cash to cover the bill.
I left Nice Guy Eddie’s the same way my friend left the bathroom – shaking my head in disbelief.
Hold up, my story isn’t over yet. That night my bowels celebrated like it was the 4th of July. Do you smell what I’m stepping in? Thought so.
No soap in the bathroom, no wet naps, over-cooked wings, watery blue cheese, a broken credit card machine, and flames shooting out of my @$$ for 24 hours will get you this:
2011 Wing Count: 287
Rating: 0 Tums